


Don't you Remember

by legallyblained



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:31:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legallyblained/pseuds/legallyblained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine with Alzheimer's disease. Warnings for obvious triggers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blaine woke up to see a man sitting on his bed, staring at him. His soft, blue eyes were glistening with tears. The man forced a smile.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” Blaine smiled as the features fell into place, the fog clearing from his mind. He let out a dozy sigh.

“Hi, Kurt. It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.” He reached for his hand. “What’s wrong? You look worried.” The man sniffed and gripped onto his hand tightly.

“Nothing, Blaine. I’m just, uh…” He closed his eyes tightly to hold the tears in. He took a deep breath, looking away, but smiled again when his eyes settled back on Blaine. “I’m just really happy to see you.”

“Well, I’m happy to see you too, as always. But you don’t have to cry, you see me every day. And you definitely don’t have to sit so far away; come here.” He shifted along to make room, patting the space next to him. The man nodded, blinking again.

“Sure.” He climbed up next to Blaine, putting an arm around him. Blaine felt a tiny cold spot on his head as the man clung to him and rested a cheek on his hair. He knew it was a teardrop.

“Hey, don’t be upset; I’m here.” He held the hand in front of him and brought it up to his lips, kissing it gently. “Wait! I know how to make you feel better. We should go dancing. I can’t remember the last time we went out, just the two of us. We can call Rachel, I bet she won’t mind baby sitting. Any excuse to see Sophie and escape from the boys, right?” He felt the head on top of his nodding.

“That sounds great. How about tomorrow? Maybe today we can just stay here. Nice and quiet. I think we both need a quiet day.” His voice was trembling, so Blaine held his hand a little tighter.

“Whatever you want. As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing.” He leaned against the warms chest next to him, his eyes falling closed again, until a woman appeared in the doorway. Her long, dark hair hung loosely about her shoulders. “Speak of the devil!” He looked up at the blue eyes above him. “I told you she’d want to get out of the house! Hey Rach, would you mind watching the kids tomorrow night? I think Kurt needs to be spoiled for an evening.” She didn’t smile. She stared at him until her forehead crumpled and tears filled her eyes. Blaine frowned, looking from one face to the other. “What is with you two today?”

“I’m not Rachel.” The man holding Blaine tried to talk over her.

“Soph-”

“No, I can’t do this again. Not today. It’s not like he’ll even remember tomorrow.”

“Sophie? Is something wrong with Sophie? Where is she?” He started to climb out of bed, but he was gently pushed back down. “Kurt, what’s happening? Rachel-” he reached out to her, but caught a glimpse of his hand. His skin was wrinkled and covered in light brown spots. His hands were old hands. He pulled back, as if getting further away from the hand would stop it from being his. “Kurt…” He looked back and Kurt was gone. Someone else was sitting there. He shook him off. “Where’s Kurt?” His eyes were darting around, wide and panicking. He realised he was in a hospital bed. “Who are you? Get off me! Where’s Kurt?” His voice became louder but started trembling. The man tried to take his hands, but he flinched away from him.

“Dad, it’s me. It’s Alex. You need to calm down.”

“What? Alex is nine. Stop this; it’s not funny. Where. Is. Kurt?”

“He… He can’t come.” The man’s voice caught in his throat.

“Alex, just tell him. He’ll only get more confused.”

“Sophie, shut up! You’re making it worse!” Blaine froze. He looked at the man, then the woman, then back down to his hands before returning his gaze to the man. His son. His breathing was laboured, turning into coughs. His voice was a shaking whisper.

“Al… Alex? Alex, is that you?” A tear rolled down the man’s face as he knelt next to the bed, nodding.

“Yeah, Dad. It’s me. I’m here.”

“And… Sophie?” He turned to the woman, and she nodded. Her lips were closed tightly. She couldn’t speak. Blaine’s breathing was fast and heavy. His chest was heaving. “A-Alex, tell me, just tell me where he is. Where’s Kurt? I want to see Kurt.” Alex’s head fell forward. “Alex? Where is he? Alex!”

“Dad, I’m- I’m sorry.” Blaine stared into his son’s eyes. Kurt’s eyes. He felt the small, weak body in his arms as the last breaths fell out of it years ago. He saw him smiling, his hair limp, his smile fading. He heard faint whispers of ‘ _I love you_ ’ getting quieter and quieter.

“No, you can’t-”

“Dad-”

“Why can’t I hear him? Make it come back!”

“Make what-”

“His voice, it was there, it was in my head, and now it’s gone. Alex, where is it, why can’t I hear him? Where _is_ he?” Sophie sat on the bed and put a hand on his knee, doing everything she could to stop herself from sobbing.

“He’s gone, Dad.” She took a deep breath, he bottom lip quivering and her voice catching. “I’m so sorry. He’s gone.”

Images kept flashing through his mind. He remembered Kurt hooked up to machines, needles sticking out of his arms, his pale skin even paler, sometimes he had hair and sometimes he didn’t, and a whimper of ‘I can’t fight it any more, Blaine’. He looked down at his own hospital bed. He saw the chair next to it and he could see himself sitting there. He remembered holding Kurt’s hand, begging him to keep trying, to hold on for him, trying to hand him the oxygen mask and his head turning away, and it froze. He shut his eyes, still struggling to breathe, as he tried and tried to see his face as it was supposed to be, young and healthy and happy, but he was just sick. There were dark lines under his eyes and he was shaking his head. He was talking, but it was muffled.

“Kurt, I can’t hear you. Please. You can’t.”

“Dad, stop-”

“You have to keep trying. You’re strong; you can fight this. Do it for me. I can’t lose you…” Alex looked at Sophie. They knew there was nothing they could do. They each took an arm and tried to soothe him, but he was gone again. He batted them away. Just like he batted the doctor away. Time had skipped in his mind again, back to the end. “No. This is what he wants. No more.” In a blur he felt Kurt in his arms again, his breath rattling as he whispered _‘thank you’_. The words were clearer this time.

 _“Thank you Blaine. Thank you for everything.”_ He could still feel the thin palm against his cheek. _“I wouldn’t change a second, Blaine. I love you. I know I’m going, but it’s fine. It won’t stop me loving you. The love won’t die. It’ll just have to reach a little further.”_

Blaine remembered looking down into his eyes as he cradled him, like he was rocking him to sleep. Which, in a way, he was. He could remembered wanting to tell him everything, how grateful he was for him, how perfect their lives together had been, but he knew he didn’t have to say it. Kurt knew.

_“I love you too, Kurt. So much.”_

He remembered eyes closing. He remembered the last bit of warmth leaving him, he could feel his last breath, his body going soft and heavy in his arms. He remembered silence. No more talking, or singing, or laughing. No more Kurt. He was silent now. Sophie and Alex stared at his blank expression, hoping he could stay calm this time.

“Dad?” Alex looked at his little sister. She bit her lip and tried again. “Blaine?”

“It’s OK. I remember. He’s gone.” He looked down at his hands. They were in his lap. Weak.

“We miss him too. Dad, I’m so sorry.” Blaine looked up at his son’s eyes. That smile came back. That gentle smile that said everything was fine. It was both true and false.

“What’s wrong? Oh, you know what we haven’t done in a long time? Danced. Let’s go dancing.” Sophie rested her head on the hand she was holding. Alex clenched his fist so his nails were digging into his palm. He nodded his head.

“Sounds wonderful. Tomorrow.” Blaine grinned and kissed him on the forehead.

Maybe this was bad. Maybe he was confused and getting everything wrong.

But right now, as far as he was concerned, he still had Kurt. And it made him happy again. For his children, that was enough.


	2. After the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt visiting Blaine in hospital.

"Do you remember the first time we kissed?"

Blaine turned to look at him. He smiled gently. His eyes were the same colour, they were still soft and kind and loving, but they'd changed. His knees were inches away from Kurt's as they sat in their adjacent armchairs, holding hands the way they had for years.

He didn't say anything.

"It was at Dalton. I remember how happy I was there, just because I got to be near you, talking to you, being your friend; it would have been enough for me. Then you said, in front of everybody, that you wanted to sing with me, and they all smiled because they knew I liked you, because I was awful at hiding it, and that afternoon you just walked in, told me you liked me back, told me you wanted to spend more time with me, you'd been looking for me forever, and then you kissed me."

Blaine kept smiling. He liked this story. He liked the sparkle in the eyes of the man telling it to him. It was obviously a special story.

He still said nothing.

"That one second made me so happy. I never thought anyone would really care about me just as a friend, but there you were, saying you wanted to be with me. I remember holding your face, trying to pull you even closer, as if letting go would make that moment float away until I woke up alone, but I opened my eyes and you were still there, and we were both out of breath, and I thought I was going to pass out." He let out a sad laugh. "I can't believe I still get butterflies thinking about it, Blaine. After all this time, after everything we've..."

He closed his eyes to hold back a few rogue tears and held onto Blaine's hand a little tighter. He glanced down at them, locked together like they had been a million times before, and even though they had changed, creased and frail and dotted with light brown freckles, they still fit perfectly. Blaine squeezed back. Kurt looked up and saw his worried expression.

"You're upset. Why?"

Kurt sniffed and forced a smile.

"No reason. I just... I haven't talked about this in a while."

"Talked about what?"

Kurt felt his jaw trembling. He loosened his grip on Blaine's hand and pulled back. He'd been told dozens of times. _This isn't the Blaine you remember. He's different now. If you try to explain, it'll only upset him. Talk to him about simple things; the weather, food, music. It'll be easier._

"Oh, nothing." He wiped a tear from his cheek with the ball of his hand and turned to look out of the window. "Would you look at that? It was supposed to rain today, and I can barely see through this sunshine!"

His voice was strained, and Blaine could tell. He pulled on Kurt's hand insistently.

"No. You were upset. Why were you upset? Didn't you like who was kissing you?"

Kurt looked back at him. He absent-mindedly rubbed his thumb over Blaine's wedding ring.

"I did. I loved him, very much."

Blaine frowned in confusion. His eyes had started to water.

"So why are you sad? Is he gone?"

Kurt bit his lip and sniffed again as he gazed into Blaine's eyes, so full of concern and care, even though he had no idea who he was talking to.

"Almost."

Blaine's mouth opened slightly as he tried to think of a way to help. He looked around as if the answers were somewhere in the room, just escaping him. He leaned forward and put a hand on Kurt's knee.

"Well... you... you should go to him. You should be with him, before he leaves. Make the most of the time you've got left. He sounds important to you. Don't let him go."

Kurt had the wind knocked out of him, and what started out as a small sob turned into a choked cough.

"I can't, Blaine. I can't go to him. He won't understand."

Kurt leaned forward, bringing Blaine's knuckles first to his forehead and then to his lips. He pressed a kiss to them as a tear rolled onto the back of his hand. Blaine leaned in closer and put an arm around him, to do anything he could to comfort him. Kurt kept gripping onto Blaine's hand, leaning his head against his chest, letting his sweater soak up the tears that were streaked down his cheeks.

"Hey... it's okay, it's okay, I'm here..."

Kurt kept crying into the soft wool, warmed by Blaine's skin. Blaine rubbed his back in circles, resting his own head on top of Kurt's. He closed his eyes, shushing him like he was a child. Just like he'd shushed his own children, not that he would remember.

Kurt pulled back. He looked at Blaine's face, still full of worry and confusion, and stood up before he could break again. He looked away and started to turn, but Blaine stood up after him and pulled at his elbow.

"Don't go."

"No, I have to, you don't-"

Kurt couldn't help himself. He looked back and saw Blaine, looking so broken and lost, and he couldn't leave. A different song started somewhere in the background. He'd forgotten there was even music on. Blaine frowned again as it sparked something in the recesses of his mind. He looked back up at Kurt, his brow furrowed and his eyes glistening with tears. Kurt wasn't sure if he recognised him or not. He took his hand again.

"Please stay. _Please._ "

He squeezed Kurt's hand. He was at a loss for what else to do. The music was hurting him, and for some reason he knew this man could make it okay.

Kurt nodded, his mouth shut tightly. He stepped towards Blaine slowly, so he wouldn't frighten him, and wrapped his arms around him. Blaine warily put his hands on Kurt's waist, gradually sliding them to his back. He flattened his palms against Kurt's spine, pulling him so close that their bodies were pressed together. They were breathing in time to the music, and Kurt hummed gently along. As he heard the voice in his ear, Blaine started to sing quietly.

_"There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears,  
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears,  
Get over your hill and see, what you'll find there,  
With grace in your heart, and flowers in your hair..."_

Kurt held him tightly, tucking his head under his chin.

"Kurt-"

"Blaine, it's okay-"

"I... I forgot again, didn't I?"

Kurt nodded, unable to speak.

"I'm sorry, Kurt, I'm... I'm so sorry-"

Kurt pulled away. Their legs stayed together. Their torsos were still pressed against each other. Blaine's arms still clung to Kurt's waist. Kurt reached up to take Blaine's face in his hands and look straight into his eyes. He wasn't sure which was worse; either Blaine didn't recognise him and was happy, or knew exactly who he was and his eyes filled with tears. Blaine closed his eyes for a moment, absorbing the feeling of those cool palms on his cheeks, trying desperately to hold onto the feeling on knowing whose they were before it faded away again. He didn't even realise he was crying until he felt Kurt's thumb wipe a tear away.

"Blaine, you don't have to apologise. None of this is your fault."

Blaine stared into Kurt's eyes, determined not to forget this time, but he knew it was hopeless. When he spoke again, his voice cracked and his throat was tight.

"But, Kurt... I'm going to forget again. Am I going to forget?"

Kurt sucked in a breath even though he felt like he was being strangled. He stared back at Blaine, unblinking, and nodded.

"I don't want to forget you, Kurt. I don't want to lose you."

Kurt pulled Blaine's head down and kissed him on the forehead, before leaning his own head against it.

"You won't. Ever. You can't."

They kept swaying gently, Blaine's head on Kurt's shoulder, his arms around his waist, Kurt stroking his hair and back, kissing his temple until the song ended. Kurt closed his eyes and he could remember their wedding, when he held Blaine just like this, and the same song played, and when it ended, Blaine's hands moved slightly just so he could kiss him, then pulled him close to dance again. This time, he felt Blaine's grip loosen and he opened his eyes to see him standing half a metre away, smiling that soft, unknowing smile again. He sighed, his breath shaky, and made himself smile back.

"I better go, Blaine. I'll see you tomorrow, though, okay?"

Blaine grinned and nodded.

"It was nice meeting you... um... sir."

He stuck out a hand and Kurt shook it politely. He noticed a glimmer of light as it was reflected by Blaine's wedding ring. He stroked his own with his thumb and turned to leave.

He paused on his way out as he heard Blaine humming the song they'd just danced to. His head fell forwards, and he walked as quickly as he could to the door, his hands balled into fists. He almost knocked the tray full of medication and glasses of apple juice out of the hands of a carer walking towards Blaine.


End file.
